As many of you already know, there has been a rush of late to charge random teenagers all over the country with child pornography because they are "sexting"--that is, sending naughty pictures of themselves to their friends and significant others. Now why is that so wrong, you may ask?
The laws against child porn are clear in that they all state that adult EXPLOITATION of a child for sexual purposes is to be prohibited and handled in the harshest manner. Offenders have to do time and, (no) thanks to Meghan's Law, register as sex offenders no matter what for the rest of their lives. None of the sexting incidents fall under that exploitation umbrella. In fact, in these cases, there is no legal adult involved at all.
These cases are about girls and guys showing off their ADULT bodies. And yes--they are ADULT bodies. If a girl is menstruating and a guy is able to maintain an erection with ejaculation, then they are physically adults with all the urgings that come with the territory.
One case involves a girl who posted pictures on her private MySpace page for her boyfriend and someone saw the pictures. Another case involves girls posting pictures of themselves at a slumber party in those stupid flannel pants everyone wears these days and bras (or bra-like tops). They weren't posted for adults to have one off to or for some perv to download. They were for specific people and someone else shared.
These girls (where are the boys' cases?) are facing serious jail time for TRAFFICKING in child porn. They would also have to register as sex offenders, which means that most jobs open to women even these days would be off-limits to them: nursing, teaching, store worker, flipping burgers at the local Mickey D's (kids come in there, plus work there).
OK. They were frakking stupid for sharing their stuff in places where others could stumble upon them. They were doubling stupid for thinking their "friends" would not download and share the pics. But criminals? No way on God's green earth!!! All they need is a good whoopin' and some down time working at the local kid shelter or something similar.
You may ask why I think what they did is not so bad. It's not. It's stupid because things come back to haunt people in the most importunate moments--like when one becomes famous. I personally know of a set of pictures still out there that would embarrass a prominent actress, but that's another story... But we ALL did something similar when we were that age.
When I was in HS, there was no digital media. You used film and hoped that the Walgreen's didn't actually look at your pictures. Lucky me--my dad was/is a photographer and I had my own darkroom to develop my stuff, so that was not an issue. OR... You used that magical invention called Polaroid!!! Many a party I went to back in the day featured at least four or five instant cameras and lots of pictures I would not want posted anywhere now. But we didn't think of that then. We wanted FUN MEMORIES. We wanted pictures to slip into the lockers, backpacks or math books of our "one true love" (for that week). Some of those pictures may well have been shown around in the gym locker room or on the bus going to the football games, but that didn't matter, either. We were sharing ourselves. FTR: no, there are NO pictures of me in the 100% altogether floating around from high school, although I have to say I did look great back then.
The other problem with these types of laws is that there are thousands of people out there, mostly young men, who are registered sex offenders for having CONSENSUAL relations with their girlfriends who might have been just a tad below "legal". So what? Those girls are not exactly innocent flowers, are they? In just about every case, these couples have been having it on for some time and the complaint came not from them but from parents (usually the girl’s) who refused to believe their little darling would be doing something like that.
Think about it—there is a young man still sitting in jail in Atlanta for getting a BJ from a girl at a party; someone with a cell phone recorded it and sent it to everyone at school. Apparently everyone knew about this girl’s—um—talent except her mother and that is who screamed “Rape!” Not the girl, not the other girls who were also doing “stuff”, not the young man… Only the mother who refused to believe her daughter was capable of knowing what sex was, let alone indulging in it themselves.
I sat on a grand jury once where every single person knew the people involved in a similar case. The girl had been “seeing” boy for a long time, but then mamma wanted a piece of the action. The boyfriend refused to share and mamma filed charges. No matter how hard many of us argued, there were some idiots who were more concerned with the letter and not the intent of the law. This kid was indicted and ended up doing time for not wanting to do someone’s mother along with his girlfriend. He also had to register as a tier 1 offender for “statutory rape”, as the charges were brought just AFTER the age of consent laws in Georgia were changed.
So we are back at the original point: some laws are really, REALLY stupid when they make major criminals out of young people who have discovered the life beyond Barbie and Ken going on “dream dates”.
Would I be angry if I discovered my daughter taking the more extreme pictures? You betcha!!! Her punishment would be to lose all the electronics for a while and a good butt-kicking. Would I want her going to jail for doing so? Criminal charges and a permanent blot that would keep her from holding down a job for the rest of her life? Hell, NO!!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
How to deal with the rotten kid your kid hangs out with?
OK, I have been MIA for a while because of work projects that required crazy hours and lots of OT. I am in between those and the next set, so here I am--and I am ranting!
For D's 13th birthday, I upgraded her secondhand cell phone to a nicer one-the Alias. She was so thrilled to get it because it was a lot smaller than the eNvy (aka "The Brick") and it fit in her pocket easier. It also had neater features. I say "had" because the same little bee itch (AC) that stole her jeans earlier this year apparently stole the phone when they were all at the skate park.
Of course, the little monster swears she doesn't have it, although it was being answered/hung up when we called to see if it was in the house. When D called AC to ask about it, the girl got very defensive and then hung up. Later, she claimed she never saw the phone to begin with. Then she went into "you people are crazy" rant and told us to leave her alone. But she keeps messaging D on her MySpace page and calling the house and hanging up.
Yesterday, at Extreme Thing, AC saw D and ran off. Other kids mentioned that she was bragging about the phone to them.
The phone service is suspended on that number, but the girl has a brand new phone with a new microSD card and all D's contacts and pictures. God only knows what the heck she will do with them. The last time she got her hands on that kind of information (from another kid), she called and texted the contacts with all sorts of nasty trashy messages. The pictures ended up on MySpace.
The contacts can be gotten back because we get the backup service from our provider and I had just synced the numbers earlier that day. But that is not the point... This girl is allowed to run wild because her parents just don't give a sh!t.
I am sorry her parents are alcohols and drug addicts and her brother deals drugs. However, it is NOT my responsibility to provide her with clothing, food or anything else. The girl thinks that, if she worms her way into our house, she is entitled to pick up any of D's clothes she likes, take food out of the fridge and steal whatever else she likes. Of course, D is afraid to say anything because of the girl's family.
Unfortunately, there are way too many kids like that around here. Parents drink or do drugs, work weird hours and leave the kids alone most of the time, forget to buy food for the house, etc. Yeah, I feel sorry for them, but I also am a parent and I work.
The difference is that I pay the bills first, then buy food for the house. Only then do we entertain extras like a trip to the mall or buying a bunch of silly stuff. D doesn't like to see drinking so much as a beer around her because of those other parents, so I don't keep alcohol in the house at all. I think my biggest vice is sneaking in a box of Cella chocolate-covered cherries once in a while.
The biggest problem is that I cannot keep D from having contact with those kids. They go to her school, they hang out at the same places... I tell her that she needs to stay aloof because there is going to come a day when something horrific is going to happen with those kids and I do not want her to get dragged into it. I know that when they do finally bust AC's family, anyone in the house will go to jail with them. I just do NOT want my kid to be within a country mile of their place when it happens.
Right now, AC is harboring a runaway at her house and her parents are letting the girl stay there. D found out and saw the girl's sister and told her. I know some of you will say that's snitching, but AC's house is no place for her, let alone someone else's kid. I tried to get the police to investigate that family before, but they say they have too many other things to deal with. Too busy now, but when some tragedy strikes, they will be all contrite and swear they did their best.
It is impossible short of moving (and that may be a possibility) to keep the bad kids away from your own kids, but I am darned sure going to do everything in my power to keep that contact to a minimum outside of school (where they WILL have to interact since some are in the same classes).
If I thought I could get away with it (and I know I can't), I would spank the little brat myself and then personally drive her over to Child Haven since Juvie is always full up.
Now D tells me Little Miss AC is trying to be friends again. Who knows what she has up her sleeve now?
For D's 13th birthday, I upgraded her secondhand cell phone to a nicer one-the Alias. She was so thrilled to get it because it was a lot smaller than the eNvy (aka "The Brick") and it fit in her pocket easier. It also had neater features. I say "had" because the same little bee itch (AC) that stole her jeans earlier this year apparently stole the phone when they were all at the skate park.
Of course, the little monster swears she doesn't have it, although it was being answered/hung up when we called to see if it was in the house. When D called AC to ask about it, the girl got very defensive and then hung up. Later, she claimed she never saw the phone to begin with. Then she went into "you people are crazy" rant and told us to leave her alone. But she keeps messaging D on her MySpace page and calling the house and hanging up.
Yesterday, at Extreme Thing, AC saw D and ran off. Other kids mentioned that she was bragging about the phone to them.
The phone service is suspended on that number, but the girl has a brand new phone with a new microSD card and all D's contacts and pictures. God only knows what the heck she will do with them. The last time she got her hands on that kind of information (from another kid), she called and texted the contacts with all sorts of nasty trashy messages. The pictures ended up on MySpace.
The contacts can be gotten back because we get the backup service from our provider and I had just synced the numbers earlier that day. But that is not the point... This girl is allowed to run wild because her parents just don't give a sh!t.
I am sorry her parents are alcohols and drug addicts and her brother deals drugs. However, it is NOT my responsibility to provide her with clothing, food or anything else. The girl thinks that, if she worms her way into our house, she is entitled to pick up any of D's clothes she likes, take food out of the fridge and steal whatever else she likes. Of course, D is afraid to say anything because of the girl's family.
Unfortunately, there are way too many kids like that around here. Parents drink or do drugs, work weird hours and leave the kids alone most of the time, forget to buy food for the house, etc. Yeah, I feel sorry for them, but I also am a parent and I work.
The difference is that I pay the bills first, then buy food for the house. Only then do we entertain extras like a trip to the mall or buying a bunch of silly stuff. D doesn't like to see drinking so much as a beer around her because of those other parents, so I don't keep alcohol in the house at all. I think my biggest vice is sneaking in a box of Cella chocolate-covered cherries once in a while.
The biggest problem is that I cannot keep D from having contact with those kids. They go to her school, they hang out at the same places... I tell her that she needs to stay aloof because there is going to come a day when something horrific is going to happen with those kids and I do not want her to get dragged into it. I know that when they do finally bust AC's family, anyone in the house will go to jail with them. I just do NOT want my kid to be within a country mile of their place when it happens.
Right now, AC is harboring a runaway at her house and her parents are letting the girl stay there. D found out and saw the girl's sister and told her. I know some of you will say that's snitching, but AC's house is no place for her, let alone someone else's kid. I tried to get the police to investigate that family before, but they say they have too many other things to deal with. Too busy now, but when some tragedy strikes, they will be all contrite and swear they did their best.
It is impossible short of moving (and that may be a possibility) to keep the bad kids away from your own kids, but I am darned sure going to do everything in my power to keep that contact to a minimum outside of school (where they WILL have to interact since some are in the same classes).
If I thought I could get away with it (and I know I can't), I would spank the little brat myself and then personally drive her over to Child Haven since Juvie is always full up.
Now D tells me Little Miss AC is trying to be friends again. Who knows what she has up her sleeve now?
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