D's essay for the contest

And, no. She didn't win. But as with all the girls who entered, her picture and a quote from her essay will be featured in a video to be played at the B & W Ball. I guess Twyla Tharpe will then be presented with a copy of it.

When I’m Dancing, I Feel…

Better! At least most of the time…

In reality, when I am dancing and things are going right, things do seem much better for me. I can participate in something difficult and beautiful and sometimes fun. Even though there is a lot of stress in dance, it can also be a way to let go of some of the other stresses in life. At times I can imagine myself as someone (or something) else, like a peacock or even a mermaid. Even though it might seem weird, doing that helps me feel in control of myself.

A lot of adults forget that we kids are under a lot of stress in our lives. We have school and family and other activities that we have to deal with, along with our dance lives. We work hard at each thing but we can get really upset and stressed when we can’t be perfect at everything or we have to give up other activities. But, for me, the stress can go down or even away when I have a good night in my ballet class. When I learn a new combination quickly or get through a class without being the one getting yelled at all the time, it makes me happy and I have a big smile on my face (even though I know I still have to go home and finish my homework so late at night).

A fun dance, with lots of big moves and the beautiful costumes makes me shine like a peacock. I get to show off to everyone that I CAN handle the material and am not that much different than everyone else. Sometimes I like to pretend that I am some magical thing like a mermaid. Mermaids are graceful and swim like they are dancing in the water. A beautiful dance piece can make me feel like I am flowing through the water, all smooth and silent, letting the music move me like waves. It might sound stupid, but I like the calming effect.

You see, many people don’t understand that I have some issues that cause some problems (FOR THEM more than me, it seems like) at times. I have what my mom calls an alphabet soup of conditions --ADHD, PBPD, OCD and other stuff-- that make me do things at times that might seem like I am not paying attention or that I am just goofing off. Being accused of not concentrating gets frustrating because I really am paying attention even when I might seem to just be fidgeting or staring off into space. Some of the teachers have been meaner to me because they say they don’t have the time to wait the few extra moments it might take for me to catch on, even though I always do and I have been here long enough for most of them to know I am going to learn my part and not mess up any more than anyone else.

I said dance makes me feel in control of myself. I sometimes tell people that I hate it-usually after a class was very bad and I got in trouble for things that were not always my fault or even doing. But most of the time, I love to dance because I am different in an invisible way and dancing takes away some of the differences. That feeling when I find my control and my imagination takes off so that I can do something exactly as the teachers and choreographers want is one of peace and self-control and joy that no one can take from me, no matter how hard they try.

Breaks your heart, doesn't it? The usual little brats won--each of them girls who are already getting scholarships or whose family has more money than they know what to do with. As it is, the grand prize winner gets FURS and $500 shoes for Hannakuh, for Petesake! And she is only 14!!! So the month's tuition just means she gets an extra trip to the mall.

I just wish for once there would be a scholarship for financial need. But I hark back to JK telling me that ballet really is a wealthy person's avocation and I cringe for the company's future.