Desperate Housewives?

ABC must have come to the suburbs of Las Vegas to do their research. For sure, they had to have made special trips and taken lots of notes and pictures of many of the ladies lunching (LWL) in Summerlin!

I spend a lot of time around these women while waiting on Danielle to finish ballet classes and, DAMN!!! Women pretty close to my age are dressing like Christine Aguilara during her "X-tina" phase and with less success. There is one mother in particular that, God love her, is a sweet woman and does a lot of volunteering, so I give her some props for that. However, she weighs about 50 pounds more than she did in college, but still wears the same size clothes. It is scary to see a 30-something woman squeezed into tube tops and short little ruffly skirts that she is afraid to even bend over in. Edwina from AbFab is the closest example in terms of style/shape/clothing size. But she's tame, compared to some.

We have an entire squadron of "trophy wives" cluttering up the scenery, too. Silicone "D" cups for acres and aren't they proud of them? Tube tops, bikini tops, shirts only closed with one or two buttons to let as much bosom hang out as possible and all with the leathery skin of too many sessions without any sort of sunscreen. We had one come in today with an "adorable" little three-piece set: capri pants, shirt-jacket and halter top. The woman was older than me (or just sun-dried beyond accurate age judgement), yet she was showing more boob than some of the women in the adult reviews. The grandfather of one of Danielle's friends just shook his head and went "uh, uh, uh!"

Another perennial exhibitionist is the bleached-blonde that eschewed foundation garments of any sort beyond the occasional thong. She favors cutesy little skirts and butterfly poncho-y tops that let all sorts of things flash at random. Shame is, her little girl (who looks to be about seven) tends to dress like mumsy-all tummy hanging out and tight clothes.

My very favorite is a volunteer who favors tight tanktops to show off the DDs her much older hubby bought her last year. She also wears tight pencil skirts and 5-inch heels that make her mince not unlike Mrs. Tudball from the "Carol Burnett Show." She walks very slowly with those shoes and everyone tends to make some really catty comments as she passes.

And the things you overhear with the cell phones and casual conversations! These women don't seem to understand that you just do not talk about your hubby's business dealings or his mistress. People also do not want to hear you natter on and on about the problems with the maid or how much the most exclusive private school in town is raising its tuition (last figure heard-about $8-10000 depending on the grade). There's one mother whose husband seems to be into speculative business investments and she loves to discuss them. That is, when she is not moaning about how crazy the man is!

We have the rabbi's wife whose kids always seem to get the better roles in the productions because he has some money and they sit on the board. There are also a lot of women that have three or four kids trailing behind and nothing to fall back on when the husband leaves them for some youngster he picked up at one of the casino clubs during a "business meeting."

Most of the working moms in that area tend to be in real estate or "exclusive" boutiques. A very few work in education (the above-mentioned grandfather's wife is a school principal; he's a college professor). One mom used to be a network administrator, but quit her job when she landed a rich husband. Now she complains a lot about being bored now that the kids are old enough for school.

Then there are the moms like me-we aren't rich and we all work because we have bills to pay and families to take care of. We are the women in jeans and t-shirts, wearing underwear that comes in a 3-pack from WalMart or Target. There are a few that have tattoos. Victoria's Secret? No one really wears silk drawers all the time when they have to bend, stretch, twist and turn all day. We drive across the valley to the Academy because they relocated into the toney section. We pay our tuition just like the rich moms and yet we are treated with less respect because we are not living in 5,000-sf sarcophagi with almost no lot space (my little double-wide came with more land than some of the Summerlin lots).

I've been working on an embroidered denim jacket for Danielle for a year (I think as of today) and one of those LWL tried to commission me to make one just like it for her child. She thought $200 would be adequate-as if! I have others asking if I take in sewing. I probably would make a nice little side living doing custom work if I had the time, but not with these gals!

I want my work to be appreciated and not taken for granted. The only sewing I would consider with that lot is helping with costumes, but the wardrobe mistress is a major twitch who thinks all volunteers are trying to take her job (her son is a rising star there and gets free tuition because of her job). Her assistance is a real queen and will undercut anyone attempting to help out.

But who needs ABC when the "Desperate Housewives" put on a show every day at the studios?